The Journey is the Destination

Lessons from Mr. Strickland

2012-01-03T19:06:00.000-06:00

It's all in the way that you think about peoples that often determines their behavior.

on "the poor" - Give them expectations, enthusiasm, flowers, and music. - Because they are worth it.

You must be prepared to act on your dreams just in case they do come true.

You must see his slides. They are changing America's inner cities.

When the Saints . . .

2011-07-27T22:18:00.000-05:00

I have to share the burden that is upon my soul. Friday was difficult. I was at work way too late. I was annoyed with may trivial things. On Saturday, I slept until 12. Mildly thankful, I was embittered because I wanted to spend more time a wake with myself. I don't not get much time to do be. Saturday morning from the time I wake up until about 3:00pm is mine. If I schedule something for a Saturday, feel privileged. When it was all said and done, I had two hours. Two precious hours to sit, eat a cupcake, drink coffee, go shopping, and be. I chose to enjoy every moment of mine time.

Then Saturday night came. Fail! The credit cards were messed up at the restaurant. We did 3x times as much from 5:30-10:00 as they did from 11:00-5:30. Please note those times. It was crazy. And I saved over $140 in labor for the evening. I got out an hour later that I usually do. Ridiculous.

Then came Sunday. I love Sundays. I went to pick up a dear friend at the airport and go to hear stories and see pictures of the adventures from the past month. I was honored to hear about her dreams and goals for the next stage in her life. We decided to go to church at LifeChurch.TV. The sermon was dead on to what I needed. If you remember what I mentioned at the beginning of the post, Friday I was a jerk. Well, Sunday was the slap in the face that I needed to rid myself of the selfishness that was quickly settling into my heart.

Monday morning I got a text that read, "Pray for Austin. He is in critical surgery at OU Medical." WHAT! Emergency surgery at OU is never a good thing. Long story, short - Austin lost his life that day after a series of bad choices, freak incidents, and 8 hours of surgery. I spend several hours with people who were affected by this tragedy and more time processing this for myself. How quickly life can change.

Which is where is song comes into play. See, on my way to work I had listened to this song. As the song played, my heart began to pour out anguish. This song speaks straight from my heart. I have a blessed life. My life was good. (Please don't lecture me on comparisons.) The hurts in my life are so trivial compared to the things that millions of people have battled and still battle today. I have nothing to complain about. (Sure, I don't have butt fans in my car.) "Lord, I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know . . ." Every day I see and hear stories of heartache and tragedy. I don't know how people make it without Jesus as their center.

I cannot begin to fathom the pain of losing a child, much less two. I cannot begin to fathom having a relationship end with regrets or open plans to spend time together.

I implore you to search your heart. How does this change you and your life? Are you spending time whining about all "sewage" in your life? Our decisions, our actions have a greater effect that we can ever possibly know while on this temporal earth. My prayer for my life, is that I live to a life pleasing to the Lord, sharing the message of His love to "all who will hear" (Luke 6:27a). Even in the worst of time, I shall praise the Lord. "When sorrow like sea billows roll

I still want those new shoes and coffee. But my life is still blessed without 'em. Read this song, buy it on itunes, listen to it - It is pretty good.

When The Saints

By Sara Groves

lord i have a heavy burden of all i've seen and know
it's more than i can handle
but your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and i can’t let it go
and when i'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
i think of paul and silas in the prison yard
i hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
and when the Saints go marching in
i want to be one of them
lord it's all that i can't carry and cannot leave behind
it all can overwhelm me
but when i think of all who've gone before and lived a faithful life
their courage compels me
and when i'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought
i think of paul and silas in the prison yard
i hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
i see the shepherd moses in the pharaohs court
i hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord
chorus x2
i see the long quiet walk along the underground railroad
i see the slave awakening to the value of her soul
i see the young missionary and the angry spear
i see his family returning with no trace of fear
i see the long hard shadows of calcutta nights
i see the sister standing by the dying man’s side
i see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
i see the man with a passion come kicking down that door
i see the man of sorrow and his long troubled road
i see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

"Lunch Break"

2011-07-08T22:39:00.000-05:00

I need to be honest with you, the web wide web (not that my blog is by any means popular) . . . I have been a terrible sport this week. Monday was amazing. I got to spend time with my adopted family and church family peeps. I decided at 9:30 Monday evening that I don't want to go to "work" this week. I wanted time to freeze time to sulk in the moment. The fireworks burst while I laid in the hammock with my friend's adorable 5 year old, I begged God to let it last. (The fireworks did seem longer that Independence Day.) But, alas, Tuesday morning came.

Do not get me wrong, I love my job. I love the children. It is incredible that I get to do this (and get paid to do it).

Time is going too fast. I want to just rest. I want to be able to chill in a hammock. I want to have hours of conversation with friends. So I began whining, in my own in head, "I have to do this and do that . . . and have energy to, of course, do that." I was not being very obedient to my Lord this week.

I have been half-heartedly trying to psyche myself in to being excited about the next two weeks. (For real, I have the opportunity to share with 100+ children the love of God and make incredible memories.) My volunteers the next two week "don't care" how tired I am or why I am tired. Because it is not about me! The beginning to one of the Bible Stories I will be sharing next week is, "I am so glad you are here today. I am so excited to share with about the amazing God I love and follow. I am want to share with you about God and all things He has done and about how much Jesus loves you." (Something like that.) I pretty much failed that one when I went to present my presentation for feedback this morning. She asked me, "Do you really want the kids to get it?"

"Well, of course."

Basically, she replied, "Then prove it to me. Because what I am seeing now is not going to work." Later she said to me, "Today is going to be fun."

My mental response was, "Liar!" (all dramatic like) "Do you know what I have to do this day? And it is Friday! I did not finish my to do list . . . Are you trying to hypnotize me?" Verbal response, "What?"

"Today is going to be fun."

Dude. Valid. My attitude had made my week dreadful. In 2 Corinthians 10:3-7, it states:

³ For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. ⁴ For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, ⁵casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, ⁶ and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.⁷ Do you look at things according to the outward appearance? If anyone is convinced in himself that he is Christ’s, let him again consider this in himself, that just as he is Christ’s, even so weare Christ’s.

Therefore this weekend I shall "die to myself (to my selfish desires)" and be transformed by the renewing of my mind. For this life is not mine, I chose to give it up. "To live is Christ and to die is gain." - Wish me luck. :)

i love you . . .

2011-06-25T07:57:00.000-05:00

i won't pimp you for my own personal gain.

(pause)

Last night I was able to spend some much needed time with two of my dearest friends. We laughed. It was beautiful. Over the last seven years, our lives have intertwined in an intricate tapestry more valuable than any one person could afford (two, maybe). The buds of our lives have flourished into individual blossoms of life. Family, ministry, service - has drawn us out of the comfort of the familiar into the vast world around us. The journeys would not have been the same without these friendships.

I love how the Lord bring people into my life, each one providing unique blossoms into the great garden that is my life. Some may look similar - but don't be fooled, take a closer look, each has his/her own intricacies. The people are the vibrancy of life. Individually, I may be alright - like a daisy. Add in some black-eyed susan, native violets, and some greenery - that's when things start to become interesting.

I wonder how God comes up with so many variations. I want someone to try to prove God did not create creativity.

Now - more coffee.

6 YEARS!

2011-06-19T16:23:00.000-05:00

Restore to me the joy of Your salvation
Restore to me the wonders of Your love

It has been six years since June 19, 2005, just in case you didn't know.

I also just really like that song (above) that we sang in church this morning. It is fitting.

It's Raining =)

2011-06-11T01:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Reader,

For the past two days I have had some really great thoughts I wanted to share with you. Really, they were good. Due to the lack of internet access and the desire to sleep when I get home, I have failed you. I wanted to share about my Wednesday. For on Wednesday, I took my children to on Field Trip to an art museum and a natural history museum. The day was long. It started at 6:45 and ended around 10:30. It was hot and really cold. There was an incident with a charter bus getting stuck. I am also pretty sure not even extra strength Febreeze is going to help my polo shirt be wearable tomorrow. (I forgot to get a second one today. Oops.) But on Wednesday I almost died. (I'm being dramatic. Just do NOT tell the student driver to turn left onto Classen BLVD from the Northwest Expressway.)

On Thursday evening, well, I was making flashcards and cutting laminated flashcards for many hours. Lucky for me I got to do with awesome people. I'm not just saying that because they might be reading my blog. For real - the best group with whom I have had the privilege to work.

I wish I could remember the analogy used in a team meeting this morning. It was really good. Oh well. I must finish this. There is only 25% power on the battery of this computer, tomorrow is a long day, and I need am getting sleepy.

-Nev

Poll - How can you tell if Nevan is stressing?

Kudos to Local Business - Moore, OK

2011-05-28T13:53:00.000-05:00

The Cupcake Lounge
304 N. Telephone RD, Moore, OK (FREE WIFI)

This business is located on Telephone RD just south of N. 5th ST. Alecia, the owner, is cupcake genius. (That a huge compliment coming from a cupcake extraordinaire such as myself.) The Cupcake Lounge had been open for about 4 weeks. One this, my forth visit, I had one called "Purple People Eater". It is a blackberry cupcake topped with blackberry cream cheese frosting and a fresh blackberry! Amazing.

Alecia is creative in her favor options everything from "Dreamcicle" (orange and vanilla) to "The King" (banana and chocolate). All of the cupcakes can be made in sugar-free and gluten-free varieties. (These need to be special ordered. Though every Saturday she features one sugar-free flavor and one gluten-free flavor.)

The atmosphere is The Cupcake Lounge is pleasant. Couches, comfy chairs and tables fill the large space so there is space for families and friends to sit and enjoy their cupcakes and coffee. Check out the Facebook page for more information.

More on Education

2011-05-25T23:45:00.000-05:00

I like to learn something everyday. Sometimes it is little, like the favorite color of a friend or a random fact. Pero - sometimes it is huge - earth shattering, even. This happened. I learned something - something about myself that has changed my world. Years ago someone told me that I am good writer. I chose not to believe him. I had already decided years before that writing was not really my cup of tea. It was my freshman year of college during or shortly after my first college level English class. I earned a D.
I may be blame absences or whatever, but the fact is I never received a decent grade on any paper the whole semester. (Here's a secret: I say that I didn't do homework. But that fact is I do, with exception for math classes for I do not like to waste my time*. I just don't always turn it in.) See, my last year in high school I had some amazing teachers who inspired me to want to write. I liked writing. Then college happened. I was a baby writer at that point, trying to find my style. It was at this time that I chose to not be a writer.

I know. I have a blog. I had a xanga page. I get it. Regardless, writing is scary.

- - -

At work I have been developing curriculum for tutoring. I started doing it to provide an excellent (or at least decent) tutoring time at my site. Left turn at email the boss, and know I am working on developing a few hundred lessons. Don't be too impressed it is a long project with various people working it. Either way, I submitted my first six lessons on Monday. Shortly thereafter my boss told me the lessons were excellent. Perhaps it was not the actual writing that is good- editing is not my friend. I will take the compliment on having good ideas. Grammar is one thing - but ideas cannot be taught. I was excited.

Education

2011-05-14T15:40:00.000-05:00

Some one once said to me "Don't let schooling interfere with your education." Which was great advice while I was in school, but now I haven't this excuse. In the last two and half years since ending my 22 year career of being a "student" I feel as if I almost wasted the thousands of dollars spent on my degrees. Not that this deters me from wanting go back to a Master's degree. However, I reflect positively on my "life experience" opportunity before going back to school. Going straight from undergrad schooling to graduate level work without this break would have, in my opinion, been a severe waste of money. I cannot imagine living for 26-27 years with 25 years of school and have such limited opportunity to use it. What is the value in that? What is the point of gaining knowledge without allowing the skills and information to overflow from to you?

I dare to say that it would have been a selfish move to continue in schooling. I spent years learning God's Word and how to care for people, yet had I not stopped "learning" to do it, what would the point have been. Not that I even ceased to exist in a community while in school, but the realization and actualization of my "education" over the last two and half years has been incredible.

One day I shall return to the campus of a university and work toward earning a Masters degree, but what would the point be if did not take the time to understand the people I say I love and desire to serve. If I choose not to learn first hand how people behave and respond, I have wasted a lot of money and, more importantly, time.

Canundrum

2011-04-16T16:35:00.000-05:00

Friends,

I just dismissed the calendar announcement on my cellular phone to walk 10 miles. I feel a bit ashamed. Over the last couple weeks I have not been walking like I should in preperation for the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. I am planning to walk a half marathon, hopefully with my dear friend Lynne as long as the baby cooperates. The question remains, "Can I walk 13.1 miles without training properly?" Honestly, I think I can. I may be sore, really sore, the next day or week. But I really want to get that sticker, t-shirt, and medal. Yes, my motives have changed since starting training.

Love,
Nevan

Guess Where I Am?

2011-04-15T00:52:00.000-05:00

Yes, I am at Ihop again, with the same server, doing the same thing.

I revel (not the loud, drunken kind) in days where things just go smoothly. For me that was today. However, yesterday is quite a different story! I know not to ask for patience and grace as components for personal growth. (I write that in jest.) In Proverbs 12:1 "Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is a fool." After the chaos of my Wednesday, there was much that needed to discussed. There was a time in my life that I would have wanted to runaway, hide and completely avoid facing the things that I could have differently to make life a bit easier. But this morning, was not that day. Having to see the defects and flaws in one's life causes discomfort, but how much more uncomfortable is not being shown how to improve. It would be silly to say "I have been doing this for 50 years" and finding out that for 50 years you had been doing it wrong, when someone could have simply corrected you.

Don't get me wrong, here. I do not think we should go around inappropriately revealing the flaws of all we come across. But when you are humbly blessed with a situation that allows for you to help someone become a better person, TAKE the opportunity. The fear of someone being a little upset is not a good enough reason. One my favorite things about my boss is that she corrects me. Yes, it is embarrassing to make a mistake. Having your faults pointed out make you vulnerable, understandable. Think about this, what if your pants were unzipped and no one told you. Then you had to do something in front of a large group of people. The embarrassment factor just increase substantially. Or a splinter: it hurts to remove a split, for a moment, but the taking care of it correctly keeps the wound from getting worse. Now I am still not a perfect person after having been shown my faults, but let's hope I am better person for it.

BTW This time I worked on my lesson plans before getting on the internet.

Golly Deer

2011-04-08T00:27:00.000-05:00

The last time I was Ihop this late was when I was filling out the application for my current job. (That was one process of an application 8-) But here I find myself three months later, exhausted, a little sick, sitting at Ihop working (more like I will be working a few minutes), the same waitress and now with something sticky on my jeans from the bottom of the table. Sick. Not of fan of sticky. Coincidentally, I am now reminded of the theme for the lesson I should be planning-bees. I am not sure how I have gotten so far behind. I shall blame genetics. *Oh how I enjoy baby pancakes.*

I am going to finish my lesson plan that is due tomorrow. I don't understand naturally organized people. I am not sure how I would function if there wasn't a light level of chaos in my life.

Asi es la vida--para mi.

For real, I haven't a thing left to say about this subject matter. Adios

pedestals

2011-03-27T02:26:00.000-05:00

quintessential you
unfamiliar acquaintance
attainable me

4.5 months . . . Well

2011-03-15T19:52:00.000-05:00

So a great deal of life has happened in the last 4.5 months. I have had two new jobs. One dreadful. One amazing. Looking back over the last 4.5 months (or year) so much has happened, so much has been learned. I have learned more fully what it means to have faith. I recognized in myself a great deal of untapped potential for understand and knowledge. I have noticed that I often settle for the easier way (less effective), due to the fear of failure. I cannot stand the thought of failing. It is in this that I realize I need to change my thinking. For when we say, "I cannot stand . . ." it becomes much easier to go the opposite direction. Furthermore, in this, I that failure is more than not completely a goal but wasting time. Lost time is something that can never be replaced. So much more could have been accomplished in the short 25 year and 4.5 months of my life.

When did I allow this "dark passenger" I like to call "passiveness". The idea that I must deal with this without complaint because this is the lot that I have choosen in life, that I have to fully accept the consequences for my lack of preparedness and hasty decision without even a hint of grumbling. Although, I wish I could have learned this lesson, if you will, in a less dramatic way, but alas, I am dramatic. As Mr. Harris would say, "You have an over active imagination." At least that can be used to benefit.

Anyway. I work at NOVO Ministries. Check it out.

Thanks for reading!!!

One Score and Five Years

2010-10-26T14:11:00.000-05:00

My birthday was fantasic. I like to believe the festivities began when I left work on Saturday afternoon. Saturday was the annual Scary Movie Night at my one of my favorite family's house. I think I watched 4 movies. I can't remember what the titles are. Though the evening ended at 1am Sunday morning with Trick or Treat. Then on Sunday I went to Cracker Barrel for the second time this month. I love that restaurant. I still have some bisciuts in the fridge.

On Sunday night we had "Sunday Night Dinner". It was great. We had a wake for me. I love that my friends will celebrate my dark humor, even if they do not always understand it. I loved the decorations, all black. But the best part of the evening was the HOMEMADE PUMPKIN CHEESECAKE. (They love me!) After devouring a giant piece of cheesecake, I made my way to party number 2 at IHOP with my favorit ladies. We had a wonderful time minus the awkward server. But she increased our laughter. After IHOP, I watch some of some Jason movie.

On Monday morning I woke up to Alice, the weiner dog licking my face, more specifically my nose. (But I was glad I was not awakened by fireworks.) I eventually made my way to work. Although it was slow, I had some delicious homemade carrot cake. After work I went to BJ's with the Marletts and Stories. Although we were a little rushed, I had a great time. The best part of the cookie and ice cream dessert. Delicious.

Basically, my birthday was perfect because I have the best friends.

Really?*

2010-10-09T00:04:00.000-05:00

I said that many times today. I simply do not understand some people. I also think I was wearing a sign that said "Be mean to me." Why are people so selfish? Then refuse to listen to reason. UGH. It came to the point where I wanted to say "Just leave, I'll do it myself." Then I ended up doing half of it myself anyway. There is no point to do it half when someone just has to come back and redo it. UGH.

On a happy note: I am running in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in the morning. I pray for a pleasant race, pain free feet, and a good day at work the rest of the day. And maybe, just maybe coffee with a friend in the evening.

*This in way means that people do not say it to me occasionally (or often).

Desde Mi Interior

2010-09-14T01:21:00.000-05:00

Although I shouldn't be surprised when my friends extend grace, love, and kindness into my life. They are fantastic conduits of God, the hands of Jesus. But I am.

I am not sure if you have noticed, but I have been a little down lately, like 8 weeks or so. And in those 8 weeks, I have been blessed deep in soul, more than words describe, by my precious friends. I have many ups and downs. I could imagine how annoying that would be. But my dear friends, have not shown the slightest bit of annoyance. Just love, hope, grace, patience, care, compassion, encouragement, guidance, gentleness, support. In witnessing this alone, I am motivated to find rest in my spirit. Even in the moments I want to leave the most, this keeps me here. My "routine", as of now may not be ideal, is filled with golden moments. The times at church when I see one of my girls at church. They get so excited to see me. *warm fuzzies* I know what this feeling is. I still get excited to see people. Every time I see my little Ava. Every time a friend takes time out of her schedule to give me ride, even though it is forever out of her way. The room I am living in. The washer in which my clothes are being washed. The person fixing my car. The clothes I own. The computer I am using. Affordable health insurance. The congregation in which I am a part. The free Diet Coke. Randomly large tips. My peoples.

So why in the midst of such great blessings would someone want to leave, disappear, runaway? I have some thoughts on this.
1. Not spending adequate time with the God in prayer, reading scripture and meditation.
2. Listening to lies.
3. Assuming my faults are as glaring to others as they are to me when I look in the mirror.
4. Feeling like a burden in lives of those around me.
5. Feeling like I lost value/purpose based on the decisions I made.
6. Not being able to see a way out. Feeling trapped.
7. Long existing patterns of behavior and thoughts are difficult to change especially in situations of high stress. (Good thing I never took up smoking, eh?)

Entonces, ¿Que haceré sobre este?

There is this old hymn I remember singing back in the day, "Count your blessings, Say them one by one, Count your blessing, See what the Lord has done." I remember a few things to do from Psychology, make your bed, clean your room, take a shower. (I do the latter of the three every day.)

The Living Beyond Yourself Bible Study by Beth Moore. Hopefully, I will be able to attend the group at church in addition to the doing the workbook. This study is about Galations 5:22-23. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control against such things there no law."

*My friends may say I do not owe them anything for their kindness in my life. Regardless I feel compelled to give back and give forward the kindness shown to me. I think this is similiar to what James wrote about "Faith without works is dead," in correlation to what is written in Romans about God's grace, and further discussed in John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." It is not that grace requires pay back, but how can I not?*

This is where I am at. Grateful for the friends in my life that have supported me. Encouraged me. Loved me. Pushed me. Prayed for me and with me. Spoken life into me. Listened to me, and heard me. Hugged me.

I will find a way to express my appreciation.

Dear Friends,

2010-09-12T00:33:00.000-05:00

Please remember that your server is human. S/he has feelings. S/he has purpose. S/he isn't just a server. I am not asking that you become their best friend or be overly chatty. Remember that s/he may just be your sister or brother in Christ. We see when you pray before you eat. We then become confused when your attitude does not reflect the Fruit of the Spirit. And, please please please, if you pay with a church credit card or it is known that you are Pastor, for the sake of bring Glory and Honor to God our Father, be kind!!!

Let's make deal. You treat your server like s/he is a human. And I will remember that you are human too. I will be patient and kind while A1 sauce is burning my face. And you will be kind and patient while your are stressed about your new phone. I will forgive you when your the most time consuming item to make while I am slammed. While you forgive me when the CFS is "too salty".

Thank you kindly.

I am a harlot.

2010-09-05T01:27:00.000-05:00

And I don't mean the nymphomania type, but a harlot none the less. I am unfaithful. There is little in this world that can cause me to fall into this like the issue of money to be only magnified by the fact that I rely on the generosity of strangers to provide the money on which I need to survive.

The other day as I began work I had a spirit of anxiety hovering in heart. Things were slow as the restaurant had been for the last week or so. I only made $38 in my two previous shifts combined. I was hoping to catch up for it was Friday evening. I don't have a car again so I was thirty minutes late to work. (Thirty minutes in this business can be an extra $20 dollars in your pocket.) The longer I as there the more anxious I became. I finally "got a table", two in fact. Then three. T1 leaves-11%ish. T2-0%. (Then we subtract tip share and I earned a whopping 3.5% of my total sales. Translate this into dollars/hour, I earned a grand total of $4.28 for the first hour I worked.)

By this point I felt completely defeated. I am a good server. Not the best, by far. But I am good. There have been times when something happens and I completely understand why someone would want to leave me a little tip. But then there are those times when it just doesn't not make sense. Greeting was good, drinks were perfect, food came out quickly, extra napkins, straws, kindness, I said "thank you" and "your welcome", I gave change in a combination of 1s and 5s so that there was an adequate number of bills to leave me a 3% to 33% tip. At this rate there is no way I can afford to have an apartment.

As I began to lose hope in humanity, T3 returns to me the credit card receipt and said "I am sorry. I normally bring enough money to leave a decent tip in cash, but I don't have enough tonight. So I had to leave a tip on the credit card. I am sorry." I politely said "thank you very much. I hope you have a pleasant evening," while thinking to myself, 'great. another sucky *** tip'. I walked back to the wait station before looking at the numbers just in case it brought me to tears. The whole time thinking, 'I can't do this. I am just not earning enough money. People are jerks." I know times are tough. They are tough for me too. I am not demanding your money. It is part of it.

"Tips" means, "to insure proper service". I can almost guarantee I earn 18%-20% regularly because I pretend that is what I am going to make at every table. I give them that kind of service preempting a positive response on the part of the person in which I am serving, taking into account the all the various wants of table. Some people want business only, almost as if we are not people, which is okay. Some want to chat for 20 minutes and tell their life story, like I am there one and only friend, which is okay.

When I opened the receipt, I saw an almost 40% tip glaring back. Then in what I might have sworn was an audible voice, "Nevan, I will take care of you. Are you not more precious than the sparrow?" Oh, snap. I am a harlot.

I don't talk to Him. I curse His Name. I do not bring glory, honor, or praiseworthy things but shame and filth as offerings. Yet, He is always faithful. Then we act accordingly, when we are obedient, we became the hands that help another. The hands are remind another that God is faithful and all-loving, that He has not forgotten about us. Disobedience to Christ is reflected as selfishness. I challenge for myself is to faithfully give to other, resting in the knowledge that God will give to me and provide me with all that I need.

"REDO"

2010-08-31T18:01:00.001-05:00

Can I get a redo?

Have you ever yelled for help and thought no one heard you, but then realized you didn't say anything?

I haven't been very patient lately, which is making my life a bit more complicated than it needs to be. When I am going to find someone to pay me to do what I am called to do. It would be nice if it was sooner than later however I am trying to be realistic about the situation. Pero este es duro para mi.

I bought a book in Spanish at Half Price Books today. I read one paragraph, got frustrated, and put it down. I am sure it didn't help that I was working while I was reading it. (mientras lo estaba leyendo)

Also I am rather certain that my stomach thinks we are in our 60s with the way she has been behaving lately. (¿Donde esta mi Metamucil?)

Oh and I have been blessed with a car, for which I am immensely grateful.

truth

2010-08-25T23:55:00.003-05:00

I fear complacency.

The Struggles of a Waitress

2010-08-21T00:37:00.000-05:00

*I want to start by saying that I know other occupations can have tough times especially when the job is serving other people in some capacity.*

However, tonight I am talking about me. I will because I can. Voy a hablar sobre mi porque puedo. As a server, I am tested every time I work to have faith the God will sustain all of my needs. Sometimes it does not matter how kind one is or how perfect the interchange was, some people just do not tip well. For those who do not know, servers (not including carhops) in Oklahoma recieve $2.13/hour as base pay. Minium wage is $7.25. Last night I worked for five hours. I earned about $25 in tips, minus tip share I left with $23. Divide that by five hours, add my base pay, and you will see I earned $6.73/hour. I am not complaining about it. It was a slow night. I am simply saying it is hard to trust God.

Another reason being a server is a struggle for me, is the attitude the goes with territory. The attitude from customers and cohorts. Not all customers and not all cohorts, but even one tack in the bottom of your foot makes it hard to walk. I don't smoke, but there are times I want a smoke break while working. Not to smoke a cig, but sip a diet coke and ask God to give me grace, patience and love. Some times I just want to take 5 minutes to let off some smoke. I think I am going to start taking smoke breaks. It is hard to do right when you are being slapped in the face everytime you turn around.

Reason three: The best times to work at the best times spend with friends and family. That is hard for me. I love being able to spend time with my favorites. But with opposite schedules it is difficult. If I spend much time thinking abou this, I may cry. However, sometimes they surprise you by dropping in to say "hello" :) That is my favorite. It makes my heart warm to know people care about me enough to let me know they are thinking about me. *Props to the Marks, Andy, Lynne, Bodie, and Tek for stopping by after gelato to just say "hi".*

I am not looking for sympathy or pity. I am simply sharing my thoughts from the car ride home as I listened to "Me viniste a mi recatar" (Came to my Rescue by Hillsong United) and "Amazing Love" (by Christy Nockels?)

Friday the 13th

2010-08-14T00:52:00.000-05:00

I feel as if I should blog. But I do not have anything worthwhile to say. I did not get the job at Farmer's Insurance. I was not given an actual reason. Whatever. It is not something I am going to cry over.

Today was a good day. It felt like a weekend. I went to coffee with a great friend. I went to Target twice. Ate a bunch of dessert (and more coffee) at the cafe in Barnes and Noble with Amanda and Bryan. Then we went through the children's book section. It was so much fun reminiscing over the books we had read as children, like The Fire Cat, Morris the Moose, Miss Nelson is Missing, Amelia Bedelia, and all those great colorful books by Eric Carle. Sometimes you don't realize how much of an impact simple things had on your life. On our way to Crest Market, Amand and I read our new books outloud to each other.

When I have children, we are definitly going to make regular trips to library.

We didn't watch any scary movies tonight, even though Bryan and I kept saying that we should. Though we did venture to Crest Market at 10 P.M. I also wore my corte (a Guatemalan skirt) today. I love that thing.

2010-08-05T23:31:00.000-05:00

I wish that I could explain to you the predicament in which I have found myself. No creo que no puedo. No sé por que. No obstante, voy a probar. I have been in the United States for 20 days and 1 hour. (Minus the time I spent in the Houston Airport. I am not counting it because it is an airport.) My mind is racing. It is constantly on go. This constantness is making my teeth hurt. (Or that is the sinus pressure from the constant AC, either way.) What I am suppose to do with my life now?

Now what I am suppose to do?

2010-08-05T12:38:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up, walked to the living room, unlocked Sookie's cage door with my foot, (Sookie is the Storie's little Yorkie.) and went about me way. I was a little surprise that she didn't follow me as she typically does, but whatever. After I finished business, I walked back to the living room to see that Sookie was still in her cage. But it was unlock and openned about an inch. She would put her paw on the door. The door would move. Then she would whine in her little dog voice, "open the door". I didn't. I just watched her. I was curious to think about how long she was going to be under the thought that she was still trapped in the cage. Pavlovian conditioning. The human condition. How ever you want to explain it, it is still the same thing. We get used to not being able to undo or change our current situation that when a door is openned we do not notice there is a way.
Jesus talks to this issues in Matthew 5:38-42. The Jewish people to whom he was talking were oppressed by the Roman citizens. They were locked in a cage, in a way. I could imagine that in that situation one would think there are only two way to go about this. Aggressively hit the door or sit passively and allow the inhumane behavior. However there is a third way to go about things.

I totally lost my train of thought. I think I have ADD. I'm going to go do the ten other things I am thinking about, maybe I'll finish one.

2010-08-02T00:50:00.000-05:00

I was able to experience a beautiful thing tonight. Estaba poniendo de gasolina en mi carro cuando un niño me preguntó la dirección a la tienda, Freddys. Por eso le dije. Después fue ir la misma dirección, más o menos. Vi su carro fue ir la dirección mal. Así que bajó la ventanilla de mi carro y le gritó para que me siga. Y yo les enseñé la dirección, pero no sabía si ellos me sigan. Cuando les pasé para continuar en mi camino, ellos estaban saludando grande. Me sentía feliz. Esto es lo que quiero hacer, ayudarle a la gente encontrar su camino. Este es mi propósito.

2010-08-01T16:09:00.000-05:00

Vote for Sooner Rose Elementary School.

See the link above.

Thanks!

Estoy en la niebla. Estoy confundida.

2010-07-29T00:03:00.000-05:00

I am having a hard tie explaining this haze that I am in. (Sorry for the preposition ending sentence.) I have no doubts that I made the right decision to leave the Peace Corps, as hard as it was to make. But I keep thinking I am going to wake up from a dream. That is the best way I know how to describe it. I wish that I knew how to explain what I am thinking/feeling. But, alas, I cannot. The best I can do, now, is pick up the pieces and reassemble the puzzle. I had worked so hard to get together the pieces I knew. There was a section I thought I understood. I saw what I wanted to see. So I barrowed pieces from another's puzzle and used them for mine. Now that I have removed the wrong pieces I need to find the correct ones and fix the damage done by forcing together the pieces that did not fit.
I could not, cannot see what the picture is turning out to be. Perhaps that is part of the reason I used the wrong pieces to fill in what I wanted to see. Now I remained curious as to how my mistake has effected those whom I love and who love me. Where do I fit in your puzzle?

I think that part of my haze is that I have a special "gift" to take on the problems of the world as my own personal problem. I can be easily guilted into giving away all my resources to make someone's life better without regard to my personal safety and security. I do not say this to boastful in anyway. I just have a skewed sense of what it is to be selfish/selfless.

The most prevelent problem I am facing is that I try (" . . .to say goodbye and I choke. I try to walk away and I stumble. . ." Sorry, I randomly burst out into song.) to do this on my own. If there is one thing I learned in my time in Guatemala, it is that doing it would other people makes it easier. Basically, we are created for community. Community with people. Community with God.

I wish that I could stop feeling this way, this haze. But I cannot. It is the same part of me that make me good at what I am meant to do. Sometimes our strengths can be weaknesses.

Big Plans

2010-07-25T15:36:00.001-05:00

This is not super concrete, but Amanda and I are going to start baking cupcakes and selling them. The cupcakes are going to über cute and super delicious! Everything from Simple Vanilla with Buttercream to Vanilla Latte to Beary Chocolate to holiday themes for our favorite time of the year....October-December. Then in 10 years we are going to open a store selling our wonderful baked goods, fabulous coffee and tea, and cute crafty things, like buttons and paintings and scarves. It is going to awesome as a true teen from the recent turn of the century would say.

Blueberry Muffins

Sweet Potato Pie

BUTTONS!

Faux Sushi

Latte Art

The Master Minds

life is calling

2010-07-23T15:43:00.000-05:00

How far will you go?

With every choice there is a loss.

Puedes me llamar extraña . . .

2010-07-23T14:58:00.003-05:00

Today I ventured to the new Crest in SWOKC with my friend Lorena (and her wonderful children). I must say it was beautiful. Nothing brings joy to my day like an ascetically pleasing supermarket. I thought I would not find one in the OKC metro area. But, alas, dreams really do come true. Since my adventures at Sweet Bay in Sarasota, Florida, I thought nothing could compare to this. The vibrant colors illuminating the produce department. The aisles with room for two giant shopping carts. The stained concrete floors. The soft brown and sage green color scheme throughout the store. The cleanliness of what a food store should obtain. The refrigerated items behind doors to save money on electricity. Paper sacks. Sushi. Flowers. Variety. I need all of this in a grocery store. Yes, I will pay more for beauty. I will pay more looks. I will pay more for cleanliness. I will pay more to shop in a supermarket that makes me feel at home.

Thank you new Crest Market. Cordially, thank you.

What I am going to do next?

Find a job so I can actually shop there.

Just one day for me . . .

2010-06-19T18:01:00.002-05:00

Today I saw the reimence of nature's fury in my spanish teacher's home. The orange sherbet walls now reflect the color of earth from the tile floor to 6 inches shy of the ceiling. As we shoveled hundreds of pounds of "lodo", the sweet sound of laughter filled the room between the sighs and "Que Lastima"s. Antes de Tropical Storm Agatha, he was planning to travel with us on FBT. Now they are planning on how fix the problem that Miss Agatha sent their way.

Visiting my UBS jump drive

2010-06-14T19:16:00.004-05:00

I want to know who Alex James is and why there are so many of his/her documents on my USB jump drive. Also in that boat Marvin Williams and James Taylor.

I found a video of Collin Kendal from camp last summer. That was an incredible week. I miss those kids. It won’t be the same not being at camp. I think this will make the third summer is my life since being old enough to attend camp (2^nd grade) that I will have not spent time at camp. Maybe next summer I can take some vacation and go to camp. That would be all kinds of awesome.

Victory is Mine

2010-06-14T19:15:00.007-05:00

I cleaned my plate today. At first you may be think “big deal”, but it is. When we eat bean, I do not get offered a spoon or fork. Instead I have the option of my fingers or “pan frances” and my fingers. I always opt for using the bread. I do not know your experiences in life but I imagine that you could understand that eating beans with your fingers would be a bit difficult. The first time we had beans and eggs for dinner I got my own spoon, hoping this would start a trend. I was mistaken. The next time I attempted to eat sin cuchara. I had taken copious notes on how to eat beans and eggs without a dining utensil. It took me a million pieces of bread to get everything and my bowl still looked a mess. After the 30^th time eating beans and eggs, I got it down to 4.25 pieces of “pan frances” and my bowl looked as if it was licked clean. I must say that I am thoroughly excited to have accomplished this feat with my hands staying relatively clean. No beans under my thumb nail today.

Black beans and scrambled eggs is my favorite meal and por supuesto cafe y pan dulce. However, I really want a Red Robin Cheeseburger with BBQ sauce. So those of you that have a Red Robin within a 2 hour drive, go, for me, and eat a cheeseburger, French fries with campfire sauce and Red Robin French Fry Seasoning. You will only regret it when you want to go back next week for the same thing.

some thoughts from last week

2010-06-14T19:15:00.006-05:00

Burning yourself with a straightener at 12 is embarrassing. Doing so at 24 is just downright mortifying. I didn’t. But I thought it was funny.

I love days when I get rice and noodles and tortillas as my meal with room temperature juice.

My white socks are the only part of my laundry still moist. And nobody in their right mind likes moist socks. But more importantly, I am paralyzed with fear every time I have to come down from the roof.

Post 100!

2010-06-03T19:29:00.002-05:00

So this has been an interesting week. Last night I stayed awake way tooo late after having to be up at 5 am to catch the bus to the office. Next week we have Field Based Training so I will be away from the internet. I am really excited to see more of Guatemala and practice my spanish. I will be giving two or three presentations in spanish. I am bit nervous, but it should be good. I want to go read the Marlett´s blog so later.

i forgot

2010-05-26T19:02:00.001-05:00

This morning I looked up to see Volcan Agua looking back at me when I realized that I had forgotten to appreciate the beauty in nature the last few days. It makes me sad to know that I am living in such an amazing country and I didn´t even remember. I guess that is what it means to give pearls to swine.

Today I thanked God for the beauty in His creation. It is breath-taking. The photos will never to it justice. You must travel to see it all.

struggles

2010-05-24T19:26:00.001-05:00

I am starting to actually believe that I can do this job. A week ago I wasn´t so sure. I have decided to focus my energy on learning español. As I reflected on the job portion I realized that I can do it. I have done this before, mas o menos. Pero my biggest struggle is communicating. I am not always a perfectist, but I have my moments. I don´t want to mess up. But messing up is the fun part. Like today when I was trying to say "Poron" and said "porno". O saying "I have a man" instead of "I am hungry".

I put my watch on upside down. Awesome.

*for those who want to know, I still have not been "sick"*

Camionetas, Thanksgiving, and Health Class

2010-05-18T21:54:00.001-05:00

It was extra fun today. We get on the bus in Santa Lucia Miltas Altas. The buses tend to have a lot people on them. We notice that it is a bit crowded but decided to get on anyway. So we climb in the back. NOTE: I wore a skirt today. Which isn't always a deal, because I am long. I was the last one to get on the bus. I pull myself up with one hand, and use my free hand to hold my skirt close as to not flash the two guys standing there helping people. Because I was more worry about what was going on behind me I didn't notice how low the top of the door was. So I hit my face on the back of the bus at the same time the guy "helping" gives me a push. Translation, hand on my rear. Then as I am actually my way INTO the bus, Zach, another trainee, stops at the first seat. The helper is also closing the door. I am still crouched a bit because I had no where to go. Noticing the door closing quickly behind me, I leap forward a bit, right on top of Zach. To recap, I was violated, hit my head, violated someone and almost lost my foot all in a matter of about two seconds. But I enjoy riding the camionetas. (However my knees/upper shins have permanent bruises from the seats.)

At dinner tonight, my host my asked if I like only like pollo since I don't eat pork and rarely eat red meat (here). I told her I also like turkey. In that process, Thanksgiving gave up in conversation. Inevidably, the question of "why thanksgiving?" was asked. I spent the next five minutes trying to explain the pilgrims, native americans, and the sitaution of the typical story. I tried to explain peole traveling to N.A from England. Why? Because the king started a new church and was mean to them. Oh. Then they had no food. The native people helped them. Thanksgiving! It was fun. I laughed to myself as my host mom (who is 25) looked at somewhat confused by and somewhat interested in the story. All with terribly elementary spanish. Imagine you 4 year old explain the history of Thanksgiving to you. That was me tonight at dinner.
Then of course the start of my wonderful day began when Jorge explained that we were going to mingle with other trainees, teachers, and other staff persons. You know, it doesn't sound so bad until you take into account three facts. 1) Half of the conversations were in spanish. 2) My spanish skills are bajo bajo. 3) My overwhelming fear of talking to new people in new situations about things I don't understand.

After these interactions, I was feeling a bit out of my element and a little drained. It was 10 AM. Meet and chat was followed by health class. Health class is always fun and entertaining. But today we had tiny group projects. They like to get us to do these to teach us how to teach. Which is cool and all. Fast forward about 15/20 minutes. It is my groups turn to present. I have the poster we made. I walk up there expecting others from the group to join.
No one.
(oh sh*. what the beans? i feel tears. oh no.) "I can't read upside down. (someone, please, get up here. if i talk i will burst out into tears.)
A few years later (really like a second) a couple trainees come up. At this point the paper is in front of my face. Dirk help hold the paper as I wipe the tears off my face. I don't know if anyone else saw me crying. Dirk may not have even really known. I am still unsure of who the other person was the came up to present.

When we were done, I left class for a few minutes to regain my composure. The last time I cried because I had talk in front of a group of people I was 16, drama class, monologue from Shakespeares "Much Ado About Nothing".
That is all the fun from today. Mas o menos.

I just learned the translation for "nevermind." No importa . . . that was fun to try to explain . . . should have just looked in the dictionary. whoops.

BTW: No spellcheck. It is in spanish. Lo siento.

Guate and other very important words

2010-05-17T22:49:00.001-05:00

don't take the spelling to the bank. and don't correct me in a comment.

Guate-Guatemala City
bolo-drunk person
quetzals-the currency here
tigo-cellphone company
disculpe-excuse me
by-a -okay, mas o menos
creo que si-i think so
gringo-commonly used for anyone with blonde hair or blue/green eyes
cohetes-firecrackers
bombas-really loud firecrackers
muchas gracias/buen provecho-you may now leave the table after the meal
hablo espanol, un poco-i am a gringo and my spanish sucks
sacatepacas-the departmento in which i currently reside
porfav-por favor or please
repite porfav- you are going to have to say that again, because i have no clue the words that just come out of your mouth
la comida es muy rico, pero estoy llena-i don't want anymore!
Estoy consada-i want to be alone, but i am going to tell you that i am tired.
cantina-a place to get a beer
bar-a place to pick up a prostitute
agua pura-clean water, not chorro water
papas fritas-french fries
helado-ice cream

2010-05-16T15:13:00.001-05:00

I always have great things to blog about until Shannon hands me the little modem. I made Sweet Potato pies with my family. They turned out alright. I didn't measure anything so I am shocked by that. I have been drinking too much Coca Light. I am attempting to make a little video for the youth group.

Tomorrow we are going to Guatemala City. I am oh so exciting. They have been telling us how dangerous Guate is, now they are taking to Guate. Yay! We are going to get mugged at gun point on an over crowded chicken bus while being pick-pocketed and groped.

2010-05-13T17:50:00.001-05:00

I want frozen yogurt and enchiladas.
I don't want to take my malaria prophlaxics.
I want cold milk with my cereal.
I am tired of hearing about everyone's bowel movements.
There are a lot of dogs here.
The smells are interesting and not always a good interesting.
I am thankful for Shannon letting me use her internet modem.
I want a snow cone.
Someone eat a snow cone on my behalf. Like something with lime and salt. Yum.

It is not so bad.

9 May 2010

2010-05-10T18:58:00.001-05:00

There is a new sense of accomplishment when you hand wash your own clothes for the first time. Today I had that experience. It was much easier than I thought it would be initially, though it is awkward having to hang my under garments on the roof for all to see. My favorite part was attempting to wash my jeans. I don’t think I conserved any water while rinsing them. Soap is does not want to come out of those suckers. The funniest part of the experience was attempting to wash a new purse I bought last week. It had stained my khakis so I thought a good washing would solve the problem. The purse is bright pink. The second I dumped water on it pink began to seep all over the pila. The more water I put on it, the more pink. I tried soap which only made it worse. The best part is that my hands turned hot pink!!

My host dad came over. He was like “that’s not good”. Then called my host mom to come over who said some things I don’t understand, ran to get some salt, and told me to soak it for at least thirty minutes. I could not help laughing when I noticed that no matter how much I washed my hands, they were staying pink. They didn’t find it as funny.

My purse is soaking. My undergarments are on the roof. My hands are pink. But I washed my own clothes.

See photos on facebook.
Last night I had my first Guatemala Fiesta. My host cousin turned 15. It was one heck of a party. We danced from 7:30ish until 11.

Week 1

2010-05-05T19:20:00.001-05:00

So I have been in Guatemala for a week. It feels like a month. I have been overwhelmed with emotions and knowledge. There is 52 of us in the 2010 a 2012 group in PC Guatemala. I keeping thinking of things to type but I can´t remember. Most of the time I just feel stupid. I am getting a lot of bug bites right now, so I am going to end this. Miss you.

Fear and Trembling

2010-04-13T22:57:00.001-05:00

It is starting to feel real. Today I received the schedule for the first 3 days in Guatemala. Let's just say that I have a lot to do in the next 13 days, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Then I need to convince myself that I have the ability to do this.

Something that came to me the day in the shower . . . just slightly expanded

2010-04-12T12:25:00.002-05:00

What do you think about legislating compassion and good works? Is it beneficial to make doing good a legal requirement? How does that change the action? Does it lose something in that? Should only "laws" be more the "don't do this" instead of the "you must do this" type?

I think if we legislate kindness we strip it of its value. I am all about helping people.

As a child if I shared my special treat with my brother that I bought with the money I earned , my parents would have said, "Nevan, that is generous act of kindness. We are proud that you choose to do that." However, if I didn't share the special treat I earned I was not sent to my room for being a bad sister. If I had been reprimanded for my lack of kindness, then the next time I had the opportunity to be kind I would have done it out of fear of reprimand, not of the love for my brother and the joy of giving.

In this I am reminded of God's grace. It is not by good works that we are saved, but through his loving kindness. It is out of the love He bestowed on us that we desire to do good and share kindness with others. Being good out of the fear of going to hell is not beneficial.

If you were hungry and I made you sandwich while grumbling, "Since I have to", you would feel as if I served you. (Unless you are narcissistic.)

If you were hungry and I made you sandwich while I enjoyed a conversation with you, you would leave feeling worthy. If then I made you sandwich for later, how much more would that bring joy to your heart. Then later when you decide to eat that second sandwich, you be remember that I cared for you. And I would be thankful that you were able to eat again. But if you took that sandwich and shared it another while sharing the kindness bestowed to you, I would be even that much more thankful, for two got be satisfied instead of one.

I must go get ready for the rest of my day.

2010-04-08T11:37:00.001-05:00

I need some jeans. I hate shopping for jeans. It is next to impossible to find a pair that fits. According to manufactures a person is not allowed to wear 16-18 Long/Tall (not plus size) unless she wants thin, low quality "jeans". Don't get me wrong, I loved my GAP jeans. However they wore out and GAP changed their styles and sizing. Also GAP doesn't sell anything bigger than 12L in the store. Eddie Bauer looked promising, but again my size is not in the store. A girl can't just buy jeans online. Let's hope the western outfitters can help me out.

20 days and 15 hours!!!

2010-04-06T14:11:00.002-05:00

2010-03-10T13:19:00.000-06:00

I am moving to Guatemala.

I have to say to that myself often. I am not sure if I really believe it yet.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me.

I was once was lost but now I'm found,

Was blind, but now I see.

Twas grace that taught me heart to fear

And grace my fears relieved

How precious did that grace appear

The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers toil and snares

I have already come;

Tis grace that brought me safe thus far

And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me

His word my hope secures.

He will my shield and portion be,

As long as life secures.

When we've been here 10,000 years,

Bright shining as the sun,

We've no less days to sing God's praise

Than when we first begun.

I didn't write that poem. John Newton did some time in the second half of the 18th Century. He has an interesting story.

I have a dream . . .

2010-02-22T01:54:00.001-06:00

At some point in life we all have "a dream". A dream of greatness. Some times those dreams change or you realize that what you that was greatness is something totally different. Then there are times when one sits at the bottom of Dream Mountain, excited for the greatness that is to come through the trials and trails ahead. One feels many emotions flooding her soul. Happiness, fear, excitement, a bit of sadness, elated . . . to continue on the path towards one's dream . . . is scary to say the least.

I am beginning to understand new perspectives in life. I hadn't consider in my thinking how easy it is to NOT do something out of the fear that "I am not capable". I know I have thought this before. It is as simple as "muffins" and "pie". Here I am about to embark on a journey. I want to, no doubt there. However doubt comes in "Can I do this?" "Am I physically capable?" I understand how someone can set their eyes, their heart on a goal and never let it come to fruition because of this fear that he/she is not capable of completing. It would be so easy to stay here. For me, I cannot imagine living the regrets of not continuing on the path I have started on. There have been many things I have wanted to try in my life, things I will still do. I think I would have to life 10 life times to experience all that I want to do, all that I want to become great at. I could waste my entire life, still wanting, still looking forward and never experiencing life in the moment it was meant to be lived, now.

Yesterday has a lesson to be learned. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

I think I can bake muffins. check
I think I can make a cake from scratch. check
I think I can cook soup. check
I think I can run 5k. half check
I think I can make a tiered cake with interesting flavors and fondant. check
I think I can drive from Florida to Oklahoma in 28 hours by myself and get some sleep. check
I think I can raise enough money to go to Honduras. check
I think I can walk 8 miles in flip-flops and a dress. regretfully check
I think I know how to get there. check
I think I earn a bachelors degree. check
I think I can write a book.
I think I survive the Peace Corps.
I think I can make a difference.
I think I can make tamales. check
I think I can make manicotti. check
I think I can keep my room clean. nope
I think I can put this in the microwave. mostly check
I think I can do everything. nope
I think I can snowboard.
I think I can run a 10 minute mile.
I think I can go blonde.
I think I can look good with short hair. check
I think I can take photos like that. partial check
I think I can make jewelry like that. check
That looks easy, I am going to do that . . .

Once I conquered the muffins, the world was mine. At least I thought, then along came pie. After years of fear and anguish, I conquered the as well.

Patience, practice, attitude, think.

How often do we shy from God's calling because we are scared of the cost of greatness? I laugh at the thought that going to grad school would have been the easy road for me.

Take my life and let it be consecrated, Lord, to thee.

Nevyn

2010-02-05T03:34:00.000-06:00

Why am I getting question at 3am about psychological matters? Why, pretale, am I still awake? I am going all Shakespeare on this one. Though most may not agree with me, but I think I much rather enjoy the days when spelling didn't really matter. Shakespear, Shakespeare, Shakspear, it's all good. Today I feel like spelling my name N-E-V-N. Who needs that tricky "a"? Most people think it is an "i" anyway.

I have several incredible insensitive thoughts going through my head. I need to examine this. I don not want to become cynical towards people.

On Saturday evening I am going to making candy sushi for a SuperBowl XXXXI (or is 42?) party. I really do not care what the superbowl number is. But every time I gaze slightly to the left I see the ingredients and when I to the right I see the t-shirt for the party.

I am about to embark upon a rather busy weekend.

No news on the Peace Corps except they haven't said "no". Well, my dear loved ones, I am off to "bed". I'm not tired so I will read first. Perhaps a bit more in Swindoll's "So You Want to be Like Christ?".

Snow Days

2010-02-03T14:12:00.000-06:00

Well, I finally got some snow here in Oklahoma. Not that this was the first snow of the winter season, just my first. It was beautiful, after the ice and before the melting. The only thing I didn't get to do was doughnuts in an empty parking lot. I choose not to because I don't actually own the car that I am driving. Truly, that is the most exciting news happening from this corner of the couch. Alas, I must go to the church. The children will be back for the first time in a week. This will be an exciting day.

New Post, New Post

2010-01-06T13:22:00.000-06:00

I dislike pumping gas. I always meet the strangest men. I use the weird strange to be nice. There should be rules for men in public.

1. Don't hit on women by saying, "Hey there, (some stupid "pet" name), you lookin' good. Whatya doin' tonight?"
2. Don't stare at women.
3. KEEP YOU HANDS OUT OF YOU PANTS!! In fact, just keep all hands and items away from your crotch area.

If one of these rules is broken, from this point forward, I will cease to pump my own gas. Violator of rules #2 and #3 did so in the middle of the day. I believe it was about 2pm on Monday at a busy gas station. Ugh.

Either way, I am off one more time to find a HDD enclosure. This time I will look at the box to make it doesn't clearly say, in bold face font on the front of the box "IDE". That would the wrong kind. It is clearly labeled on my former internal hard drive "SATA."

Wish me luck. Today is Wednesday. The busiest day of the week.

2009-12-31T03:57:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I just want to cuss. I know, terrible, right. Let's be honest. I'm not perfect by any means of the imagination. And I have had said a few words recently, though I am not going argue about the "appropriateness" of saying them.

Either way. Here is a picture of Makhi trying to decide if he like Daddy's new phone as Aunt Nevie is trying to make him be soothed.

Another Christmas has come and gone. I think this was a good one. I am rarely disappointed with fact that Jesus was born. By rarely, I mean never. It is an incredibly humbling event. That God came to Earth to become human to fully experience life (temptation and pain, the whole bit) AND take the consequences for sin (death). Awe, astonishment. He came, was beaten, and died so that we do not have to spend the rest of forever in damnation. All I can do to say "thank you" is give Him my life, every piece, every bit.

Now back to that cussing thing. Yeah, sometimes I want to say vulgar things. Sometime I want to drink some alcohol. Some times I want to yell at people. Some times I want to smoke a good cigarette. Some times I don't want to take responsibility for my actions. Some times I want to live a "easy" life. Some time I want to be selfish. I'd be lying if I said that everyday I didn't have some conversation with myself about selfishness.

In James, it is written that "faith without works is dead".
I have been reading Joshua. God asked his people, the Israelites, to do some pretty "out there" things. Circumcision for all the guys, they weren't all eight days old. I cannot imagine what those men must have been thinking, "Um, really Joshua, is that what God said? I think I will have to ask Him myself.....Oh, yeah, God, really, that. Are you sure?" I imagine there was some hesitation. Then there little army destroyed many cities. They destroyed the first by marching around the city walls several times over several days. Talk about faith. God said don't do this, they did it. They had to suffer the ramifications of it. God said do this, they do. They had to enjoy the fruits of there labors.

Basically, I think what I am trying to get at is there are things I choose not to do for the benefit something greater than myself. When I was a child, my parents told me not to play with fire so that I would not get burned. God tells us that although all things may be permissible, not all are beneficial. God tells us not to play with sin or we will get burned. (Sorry for the pun.) Would God love me less if I cussed? No. Would my love for Him be less evident? Yes. Could more get accomplished if I rid myself of hindrances? Yes.
I guess this is how I am saying that I am making an effort to develop my faith in God. I don't know if God "gives" faith. To mean faith seems like my response to the situations that come up in life. I think God gives the security to know that faith in Him is rooted in something the never fails but always prevails. From Abraham to Moses to Joshua to Paul to the millions that have gone before me, I know that God has stood the test of time. (Seeing how he created time.)

More specifically, the issue of faith has come to my mind in the area of my future. I know that if I trust God in the little steps I take everyday, that when it comes to the Peace Corps and other major life events that could be happening to me in the next 100 years it will be good. It will the adventure that God desires for my life. The adventure that I desire for my life. I am also learning that "selflessness" is not suffering.

Perhaps I will blog.

2009-12-20T01:25:00.000-06:00

Jola and I went to see the Nutcracker Ballet tonight. Followed by a drive around the North(central/west-ish) side of Oklahoma City to see the Christmas lights.

Jola and I on the stairs of the Civic Center Music Hall.

My outfit I threw together in 10 minutes while eating Chik-fil-A with my new red tights.

Then some pictures of the incredible lights display at the oil company. I made Jola take lots of pictures of me.

Baking a Cake

2009-11-15T02:38:00.000-06:00

So I got this blister on my index finger today. It got me thinking about life and wisdom. I have heard it said many times that "a wise man learns from this mistakes of others". I have even said it numerous times, I am sure of it. Today, I thought of it in a new way. And I began to question how we work as humans.

When you cook it is not often that you just go at it with little foreknowledge. I was thinking I wonder if I have to freeze the pie I made to be baked tomorrow, or can I put it in the fridge. This is where the epiphany come in, "It is better to look up the answer than assume. If it doesn't work I would rather know instead of ruining a perfectly good cherry pie. I already know that I can freeze it and it will be okay." Then I began to unpack this thought more. Recipes are ingredients that have been proven to make something good or right. Before I mixed food coloring in white chocolate, someone had already tried. Before I decided to bake a pie, someone (millions of someones) had already tried and tested the various ways. We go to experts all the time in our life, so then why do we not do it as much when it comes to something more substantial than a cake.

Most would agree that it is silly to take flour, oil, eggs, sugar, buttermilk, vanilla, cocoa, etc mix it up in various ratios attempting to make a cake. Especially when finding a recipe would be so much more cost and time effective. It's more fun, exciting, adventurous, or whatever to make it up/try it out for yourself. But it is almost guaranteed that one is going to end up with almost the exact same results as everyone else.

It would be like coming home from school with your friends/siblings and find a sheet of cookies on the counter. The first child touches a cookies, "ouch, it's hot." Then child two, "It may have burned your hand, but I am more mature. It won't burn me." Then child three, "I believe you, but I just want to check for myself. I demand to have this experience. It is not fair for you to get burned. I want to know what it is like."

One of the wonderful things about God is that he has already shown us/told us what will burn us. Yet so often we demand to have the experience. Or claim to be different, so it is okay. We aren't tasting a new ice cream flavor here, people are ruining/destroying/hurting themselves and their minds.

We treat statements like:
Don't have premartial sex, you will create unnecessary emotional baggage amongst other things.

as matters of opinion like:
Don't eat that ice cream, it's chocolate. Chocolate is nasty.

When we should be treating it like fact:
Don't touch, the paint is wet.

or
Be careful over there, there is a large hole that is hidden.

If we are not careful, one day we will look back and say, "Why did I waste so much time/energy/life trying to figure out the recipe when someone already wrote it down?"

Just some thoughts that came to me while I thinking about how the blister on my index finger came to be.

An Open Letter to Starbucks

2009-11-09T15:14:00.000-06:00

Dear Starbucks,

You have been a wonderful long term relationship. You courted me slowly. But I refused to give in. I told you to change, and you did. I told to you support better causes, and you did. You brought me in.

You were wonderful, always there when I need to think, to talk, to relax. You never forced me. But, alas, it is time for a break. It's not you, it's me. I have allowed you to comsume me. You're still wonderful. You're still delicious. And I still love what you bring into my life. But I must pursue greater things. I'll be back. You haven't lost me forever, but our relationship will never be the same.

Yours truely,

Your Ex.

Some Birthday Stuff

2009-11-07T23:26:00.000-06:00

(via giftcards! wonderful)

(the white one)

side A

side B

And the best thing a girl can own...a blanket with sleeves!!

2009-11-05T12:31:00.000-06:00

Tuesday evening marked the end of my birthday celebration. I think that card topped the cake, so to speak. When I figure out where my camera is I plan to share what I received this year. But until I am going to head to Target, I think, to spend the last of the gifts cards. I'll even try to not stop at Starbucks and get a grande decaf vanilla latte with nonfat milk, 2 pumps of syrup, and no whip. Even if it only contains 130 calories. Which could be a lot of a drink, but it is more than just a drink. It's a little bit of nirvana in a hectic day.

2009-11-04T13:58:00.003-06:00

I think I am going to work on things over coffee.

2009-11-04T12:12:00.000-06:00

I spend over $50 on coffee in the last month! Not including coffee at home, coffee bought with cash, coffee bought with a gift certificate. Perhaps I should cut back a bit. Whoever thought it was a good idea that I live within 1/2 mile of Starbucks and work with in 1/4 mile of another cafe was wrong. Maybe I will just have coffee at home.

Let's be for real, it is not the same. Maybe I will just cut back to one latte a week.
I really want a 1/2 sweet vanilla soy latte.

Chitism

2009-11-03T12:12:00.000-06:00

Here are the rules:

Use only one word, pass along to six favorite bloggers, and tell 'em you did so.

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket

2. Your hair? Fabulous

5. Your favorite food? apples?

6. Your dream last night? nada
7. Your favorite drink? H2O/pumpkinspicelattenowhipFFmilk1/2sweetdecaf

8. Your dream/goal? do something

9. What room are you in? office

10. Your hobby? baking?

11. Your fear? failure

12. Where do you want to be in six years? alive

13. Where were you last night? church

14. Something that you aren't? dead

15. Muffins? wholewheatstrawberrykpreserves

16. Wish list item? digitalSLR

17. Where did you grow up? SO-ILL!!!

18. Last thing you did? printed

19. What are you wearing? glasses

20. Your TV? silly

21. Your pets? barrowed

22. Friends? many

23. Your life? adventure

24. Your mood? optimistic

25. Missing someone? ofcourse

26. Vehicle? benny

27. Something you're not wearing? earrings

28. Your favorite store? SweetBay

29. Your favorite color? lightnavy

30. When was the last time you laughed? today

31. Last time you cried? today

32. Your best friend? forever

33. One place that I could go over and over? justone?

34. One person who emails you regularly? maria

35. Favorite place to eat? familydinner

TAG:

Crystal
Amanda
I don't really know anyone else aside from those who have already been tagged.

2009-11-02T13:06:00.000-06:00

Don't worry I'm not lost. I'll be back shortly. I just took time off to celebrate my 24th birthday!! But now it is November and the celebrating will soon cease.

2009-10-22T10:29:00.000-05:00

I feel like I have not "blogged" in forever. I have had many thoughts I wanted to blog about yet to no avail. But hopefully over the next week or two you will be once again blessed with the thoughts of yours truely.

In other news, I have not heard anything further from the Peace Corps. I am still waiting for some papers from a couple doctors. Hopefully, I will be able to fax all the additional paper work on Monday. The closer it gets to the potential leave date, the most excited I become. By leave date, I mean February 2010.

Skillet

2009-10-15T01:27:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I pretend the bird is watching the fish. Then I also find myself watching the fish. If you don't know what I am "talking" about then you read this via email and may not have ever actually gone to http://www.nevanchay.blogspot.com, which is okay. But I think that you should. I have good music playing, cute backgrounds, and fish. I have fish, most because there is this "ABSOLUTELY NO PET" policy at my apt. I also have these really adorable buttons on my blog.

I don't know if will be "able" to handle another day of silence. I guess I don't have to since I have a doctor's apt in the morning, mostly for Peace Corps related stuff. I am still not really sure how I feel about antibiotics. There is a lot in that statement. And, no, I will not unpack it at this time. I don't really want to talk. (that part is a joke).

I like how "apt" can mean apartment and appointment. Now that I am thinking about it "appt" is for appointment. Either way, I mntn English is a living language thus I can abbreviate however I want. It will be nice when I am able to breathe again.

Facebook provoked laughter in me today, that typically happens when I take a quiz. That's it. I'm done with that thought.

I am super hungry, I think.

Thought while watching Rachael Ray

2009-10-13T11:26:00.000-05:00

Being sick is annoying! I don't like it. I will throw a tantrum about it. I have so many things to do. But I can't do any of it. Ugh. Cough.

On the brighter note, or not so bright note depending on how you look at it. I don't have to work on Saturday. Blah blah blah. Scotty Gelato will not be opened any longer. I don't know the exact date. Blah blah blah. There goes the extra $28 dollars a week. Blah blah blah. That is really all I know via the voice mail i received this morning. I have mixed feeling about the situation. Though I don't want to get into all that on the web.

When you tan, your hot. When you not, your not. ooooo.... Some commercials do not evoke any inclination to use the product or service being suggested. However, Special K promised I could lose one pant size in two weeks. I am tempted.

I do not understand the fascination with bacon and its supposed magical powers to make food better.

Perhaps I will have soup for lunch.

2009-10-10T11:27:00.000-05:00

It has been a long week of ten hour days. I have subbed at three different schools. On a positive note, the class got better as the week went on. However, my cell phone doesn't work and I just found another $500 or so in bills, plus "my" car needs to be fixed. And I might be getting sick. We will see how I feel tomorrow before I make plans to visit a doctor. Because I don't have money for that. I think it would be silly to spend $200 for a nurse to say, "rest and take some over the counter medicine". Not going to do it.

I discovered this week that I like 1st grade, 2nd grade, and high school the best. I am unsure about Jr. High, hadn't done that yet.

This gelato is delicious.

Thoughts of a Monday morning

2009-10-05T09:48:00.000-05:00

I think I did it. I think I have convinced my self to move beyond the couch. Today is Monday, which means one more week came and left. It was good. I ended that week with Apple Cinnamon Caramel coffee cake, super strong coffee, great conversation with friends, delicious homemade meatloaf, and just an overall beautiful day!

And according to the Today show, novelty tights are hot this season. I love it. Yet another reason to wear spandex/leggings. Just to note, polka dots tights don't look good, nor do shoulder pads.

I am totally having meatloaf for lunch today. This Starbucks commercial is fantastically hilarious. Also I think I could listen to Harry Potter Audiobooks if the Winnie the Pooh guy, Jim Dale, read it.

2009-10-03T12:47:00.000-05:00

Some things I would like to know.....

Why does a high school football team need a police escort? As far as I know no one is trying to destroy the entire team. However I don't think I would be surprised. Football in Oklahoma is taken WAY too seriously. It is a game. These are kids. Let them be kids. And, is this really to most important place to be putting the money and energy when we have kids graduating high school that do not know how to read beyond a 3rd grade level. That is ridiculous.

Why do American need a $8500 tax credit for own an a pet?? Really. How much of break do one get for having a child? I don't know for sure, but last time I checked children cost more than cats, dogs, rodents, and reptiles.

And finally what the beans is up with Classen Blvd. in Oklahoma City? Did someone really think that was a good idea? Seriously? It's like "hey, I'm driving, driving down NW 50th" then boom, out of nowhere the street ends and you have to turn around. Really? That is stupid.

Little old ladies are cute esspecially when they order a large gelato! I can't finish a large. I am impressed.

Weekly Traditions

2009-10-01T15:15:00.000-05:00

Right now my life is based on weekly rituals if you will. For instance every Thursday is staff lunch and Sunday evenin is dinner at the Marks' house. The first picture is the group that went out this week. It is typically a lot of women and Pastor. It is one my favorite rituals throughout the week. The cute kid in the picture is Ethan the middle Knight boy. He decided this last Sunday that he wante to lock himself in Vertek's cage. Sunday evenings is another one of my favorite things.

And for those that want to know:

Sunday-Church and Dinner at the Marks'

Monday-Bible Study

Tuesday-Preparing for Wednesday

Wednesday-Church

Thursday-Usually hanging with Crystal

Friday-Day off

Saturday-Scotty Gelato

iphone

2009-09-29T23:55:00.000-05:00

I wish I had an iphone so that I could post blogs anywhere I go. I keep thinking of really fun and interesting things to write about when I am driving or out and about. But I can never remember my thoughts when I get to a computer.

Why is Oprah on at 11:46 pm? I want to watch Jimmy Kimmel.

Seinfeld will suffice. (j/k I enjoying watching Seinfeld.) George fell on the stair machine. I feared falling on the stair machine when I would go to the YMCA in college. Not going to lie, I enjoy saying that, "when I was in college", as if I it was years ago. I will be 24 in a month.

Travelling and Rebellion

2009-09-24T00:28:00.000-05:00

So I travel often and I am still amazing how quickly life goes back. Just 24 hrs. ago I was in my brother's living room saying "bye" to him, Monica, Makhi, and my mom. Now I am home, blogging in my PJ's. I worked all evening and saw a movie. It was strange to be gone. Life doesn't stand still. Even with being away from my "hometown" for 5 years, things are still the same. It was an odd sense of deja vu. A familiar comfort, yet slightly foreign. I left. I changed. Yet life in Southern Illinois remained the same. Aside from some settle minor surprises. I guess I did not realize how much I have changed over the last 5 years. Like building a road, off a 1/4 inch here and 5 miles later you have a huge problem. Sometimes an inch is a mile.

My feet look old tonight.

I want to be a different kind of rebel. I don't want that dangerous habit that you (people) are shocked to discover. I do not want a naughty secret lurking the mist. I would rather shock people with love, grace, and forgiveness like the Amish community did a few years back when that man killed those girls. Instead of foul language to capture their attention, why not edifying words and bring life, peace, and joy? I like not regretting doing rebellious, sinful things. I am glad I did not light up a cig after that minor accident at the mall. I am glad I did not get a Seven & Seven when that silly thought lingered. I am far from perfect, but I do not need to be bad to be fabulous, wonderful, amazing, fantastic, lovely, worthy, interesting, exciting, fun, adorable, confident, accomplished. All I need is the Lord. He does the rest. I do not want to overstep his authority to satisfy the flesh. God's laws are logical. Therefore, it makes sense to follow them. The Creator knows what is good for the creation.

I want a cat.

Pumpkin Scones and Paint Chips

2009-09-22T11:08:00.002-05:00

The other week I week shopping with my friend and her kids. It was fun. Nothing to exciting aside from Chance pretending to be a ninja and Ava being a little grouchy. I got them to calm down a bit when I found things in my purse for them. Bubble gum!

Precious

2009-09-21T16:40:00.001-05:00

Always on my mind (sung like Willie Nelson, of course)

2009-09-20T19:53:00.001-05:00

There is a lot going on in my mind, but I don't know what to post.

The other day I sent a comment about customer service to a company. However the comment/question could not be sent with any periods or question marks, only hyphens and commas. WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT ABOUT? Please note the non-use of foul language or substitutionary curse words.

I am also unsure how to spell check my posts in this new format I am using. So sorry if I spell like a first grader.

It rained today so we could not go walking outside with baby. But he is beautiful. Enjoy.

Autumn

2009-09-17T00:21:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love the fall. I love the colors. I love the food. I love the weather. I love the clothes. I love the spices that come begin to appear.

One of my favorite things in the fall is the delicious caramel apple. Not candied, caramel. Preferable made with green apples. Yum. I ate one on my way home from church tonight. Probably not the best decision considering my luck with car accidents, but I survived. No worries.

Between the caramel apple and Good Housekeeping, it was a relaxing evening.

PTSD

2009-09-15T00:54:00.001-05:00

November 9, 2007
February 24, 2009

September 13, 2009

One more and I may never drive again. It is not normal to scream, cuss, and panic the way I did when that truck backed into "my" car. The truck only moved like 1-2 ft. I wanted to curl into the fetal position and not move. Before I just kind of thought I had PTSD, I think the incident on Sunday afternoon confirms that I have PTSD from the car accidents over the past 22 months and 4 days. I am sure it was kind of funny to see from a distance. Imagine this giant Dodge Ram truck backing into a Oldsmobile Cutlass. The truck is so big that he could not even see poor little Benny sitting at the stop sign checking to see if it was okay to proceed forward. Sooner Mall should really look into the not having the two parking spots by the stop sign on the south east corner of the parking lot by Dillards.

Anyway, after a terrifying drive to the other side of the mall-to the empty space-a calming phone call and prayer with a good friend, a good cry, assess of the damage, a cig, a few deep breaths and a moment of silence, I was okay to drive back to Moore in the rain to spend a wonderful evening eating cheese in various forms, dancing and laughing with a whole bunch of wonderful friends.

I was joking about the cigarette. I do not smoke...but I am smokin'. *sizzle*

Dear Beloved Followers,

2009-09-13T09:54:00.000-05:00

I was brave today. I bought another pumpkin spice latte from starbucks. This time, however, I bought order a hot grande pumpkin spice latte with fat free milk, half sweet, and an extra shot of espresso. Although it will never compare to the deliciousness that was the iced pumpkin spiced latte of last beautiful season, it will suffice. And to sweeten the deal, the cashier smiled today. So I also bought a pumkpin scone and left a tip. I would leave tips more but I usually don't have cash, and they don't do credit card tips.

Shalom

Insert Angry and Cynical Post Here

2009-09-12T01:35:00.003-05:00

However I have been serenaded by the Dixie Chicks via Christy's blog. The lullaby song is wonderful. "How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough? Is forever enough? Because I am never never givin' you up."

A few open notes: (The intended recipient is not important, so don't waste you time trying analyze.)

"You have three years from today to figure it out."

"I'm glad the $400 was well spent." (sarcastic)

"Do I love you for 'who' you are or 'what' you do for me?

"You are fabulous, wonderful, delightful. I am glad you were there. Tomorrow would be just awful had you not been there tonight."

"I am hope our friendship mends. I hope the patch makes it stronger"

"Thanks you calming my nerves with the sweet taste of pecans and chocolate."

"Thank you for providing. Sorry that I have failed you today."

"Please just hold me. Please be there when I get home to wrap your arms around me and play with my hair."

"Your coffee is terrible."

"Will you think I am lazy if I don't show up?"

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Gracias."

"Why did you have go and change the flavor? I forge through two seasons with Cinnamon Dolce, you as my focus. You were perfect. Now you are terrible. I hate you. I am repulsed by your taste. I loved you. And this is how you treat me. You deserve to be that ugly orange/brown/vomit color over there on that counter. Though I, too, am a sell out (because of you). I waited for you."

"Don't quit your day job."

2009-09-08T20:54:00.000-05:00

Starbucks is annoying. The cashier was rude and cut me off when I was talking. They changed the way they make pumpkin spice lattes or just didn't follow my directions. When I pay $0.30/oz., I should get what I ask for.

On a happier note, I had a relaxing evening. I went to home depot and office depot. Random note about me: I enjoy home improvement/hardware stores and office supplies. I love it. Walking around in those types of stores allows my creativity to follow. If hobby lobby was closer to my little S 19th Street Shopping District, I would be a happy girl. I didn't purchase anything. But I wanted to spend all my pay check.

However, my nephew should be coming into the world tonight or tomorrow morning!!!!! Illinois here I come!!

Knowledge

2009-09-05T23:50:00.000-05:00

Today I learned:

Cats are essentially evil, specifically when cat is from Turkey.
Cats will vomit the food cat does not like.
The vomited food will end up in House Sitter's bed.
House Sitter will then be obligated to wash the bed skirt.
Tempurpedic Mattress weigh 10x more than a traditional mattress.
I do not enjoy watching sitcoms, TV dramas, and movies on the super clear LCD/Plasma televisions.

2009-09-05T11:26:00.000-05:00

It seems like forever since I last posted. Nothing super exciting has really happened since then.
I bought a chino blazer from Eddie Bauer that should be here today. I also paid my rent. Oh and my loan company sent me notification that must start payment on my loans. The funny part is that I my first due date was in July. I have already made several payments. Then randomly in the last month over $1000 in interest was capitalized. Though three months ago, none was capitalized. Basically, I have decided that Nelnet SUCKS at communitcation. On my last statement it says I owe $260ish by 9/15, my online account summary says I owe $330 by 10/15. I don't get it. I have been paying ahead so it is not that big of a deal, however it is seriously annoying. I wish they would sell my loans to the Department of Education. They are super easy to understand and are 1000x nicer when I call. Ugh. The way it looks from here is that I will be dealing with Nelnet for atleast the next 10 years!! Annoying.

INFJ

2009-09-01T09:26:00.000-05:00

I have been doing somethinking about my persona lity and temperent lately. I find it to be an odd combination of sweetness and jerk. The best analogy I can come up with is the earth. Remeber no analogy is perfect. On the outside we have the rocky crust of the earth made up of different matter, rocks, dirt, water, etc. Each has its unique properties. The next layer is the soft pliable mantle. The mantle is hot and fiery. We'll call that passion and the undeniable truths of who I am. Sometimes is springs forth new life, while other times it brings descruction leaving behind a wasteland. Some times it is brought on my accident, while other times it is purposeful. Then at the center of it all there is core, held together by gravity that strong enough to hold everything, all the beauty and pain. My core is made of a higher power than myself. YHWH. He is was holds me together.

For those more interested in the actual words that are suppose to describe me, here they are.
Introverted
INtuitive
Feeling
Judging
The protector or counselor
Introverted intuitive and Extroverted feelings

Choleric--let's get this done, organized, "stubborn"--appreciation for what one does
Melancholy--creative, more about feelings--appreciation for who one is

"INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities.

"INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

"INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.
"But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

"Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

"INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective."
"Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

"INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals.

"The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the "SP wannabe" side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously."

*taken from various sources on the Myers-Brigg Personality Assestment Profiles*

The Making of a Friday Afternoon

2009-08-29T17:28:00.002-05:00

I have candy,

crispy rice cereal and an

Ipod playing acoustic music.

Now what do I do?

I know I will eat a small pot of dark chocolate. It was absolutely delicious. Not really. I made more candy sushi. However, I absolutely love this pictures. It was totally by mistake. The only way to make it better would be for someone else to be taking it and show more of the spoon.

Don't worry. I am a trained food handler. I washed the spoon with hot water and dish soap.

To the left is semi-sweet chocolate with almonds set to make the inside of the fushi.

To the right is the almond bark to make the outside of the fushi. I dyed it green. I was excited to use a double boiler. It has been a while since I first used one in high school.

To the left is the crispy rice cereal "rolled" as flat as I can make it to roll.

To the right are the ingredients I use to make the inside of the fruity fushi.

To the left are the rolls of chocolate almond coconut ready to be rolled in green almond bark.

The Completed Product

(only 3 payments of $19.99, but if you order now I will drop the price to only 2 easy payments of $19.99)

Fruit Fushi

Chocolate Almond Coconut (for Valerie)

My less than impressive attempt at wasabi

This was pretty much the only thing I did on Friday until my first human interaction at 6:30. I am not complaining, simply noting. I did not even notice until about 5:30 or so. Though it is an odd feeling, trying to remember if I said anything outloud or all the conversation and random uttering I did were in my head. I also rearranged my room, clean the tub, did dishes, cleaned the counters, made nachos, took 25 million photos, and danced oddly to acoustic music by All-American Rejects, Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Alanis Morsette (sp?) and Avril Lavine (sp?).

Sad News

2009-08-29T15:16:00.000-05:00

I am have an exciting post about what I did the day I was alone for tooo many hours with absolutely no human contact, unless you count the hour I spent with Hoda Kotb from the Today show. However, I since the barrowed internet connect in apartment is not totally rebliable I was not able to upload the 25 million photos I took of myself and the special project. But don't fret. Soon you will be able to witness what Nevan does when she is alone all day. (I even woke up early....9:30am.) There was nothing until 6:00 when I had to go to a meeting at the church.

Ideas Worth Spreading

2009-08-28T22:26:00.001-05:00

I love this website. Randomly a couple years ago I stumbled upon this beautiful site. ted.com I am unsure how it came about. But you should go there. You should spend hours there. Some of the talks have inspired me to reach more than I can dream. Some have challenged what my thoughts. Some have made me laugh. Some have bored me to tears, but mostly the other stuff.

I don't know it is still there but there was one video of this man named Bill Strickland. Watch it. It is long. Watch it. He challenges me to be more, to do more, to not settle for 'good enough'. Watch it. Learn. Grow.

2009-08-27T17:13:00.000-05:00

I enjoy terrible movies. Movies with basically no plot and simple easy to predict lines. Movies that most people hate. Movies that should not be in a movie theatre. I enjoy those movies.

I also enjoy going to the restroom and not having to do anything (almost anything). I don't have to flush. I don't have to turn on the sink. I don't have push the button for soap. I don't have push anything to get paper towels. Now only if their was an automatic . . .

Make Art, Not War, Buy New Shoes

2009-08-25T16:18:00.004-05:00

I did it. I bought a pair of TOMS. The TOMS company gives a pair of shoes to a a person in need of shoes (in foreign countries) for every pair of TOMS sold. It is a way for do gooders to feel as if they really helped someone. --Wait, I know. Call me cynical. But hear me out.--Why in the world do I need to buy another pair of shoes for $50+ when I could just buy 5 pairs of shoes and mail them to South America or Africa my self. I do not know many people that can afford to buy TOMS that really needs another pair of shoes.--Yet I bought some.--You can call me cynical or whatever now. The shoes are not terribly ugly. And really I only bought them because I had a gift card to this shoes store and couldn't find any other decent (cute, everyday, wear with jeans) shoes in my size. It quickly limits my selection to shoes styled with a guy in mind, not a young, hip female. I think the shoes I left with fit my personality.

By the way--the flag says "peace" in Italian. I bought it in Florence, Italy in 2004. And my unmade bed which normally doesn't look like that. But I have not felt well.

Like stealing candy from an 8-year-old . . .

2009-08-24T13:42:00.007-05:00

The other day on the news, there was this kid who made candy sushi and sold it. He had won some award. Whatever. I just liked his idea. Part of my love for sushi is due to the asteics. For me, it is visually pleasing with all the colors and simple shape. (And it is delicious!) I looked it up online and this kid doesn't have a monoply on candy sushi, or "fushi".

When Sunday afternoon came, I felt Wal-Mart beckon me with a simple reminder of fushi. Twenty minutes later I was on my way home with the ingredients for an afternoon of experients and creativity.

It was a long process. Simple, but time consuming. And totally worth it in the end.

I love this job

2009-08-22T12:32:00.002-05:00

My job at Scotty Gelato is fabulous! I get to spend the mornings on facebook and blogger. I have spent most of this morning making my blog uber cute. If you get this via email, you should go to the webpage and check it out.

I really want to say the I am excited about being a volunteer in the Peace Corps. Yes, I am going to miss my family and friends like crazy. But how incredible is it going to be to live in South America or Africa for two years helping, serving, and hopefully, meeting the needs of people. Then bringing that experience back here to go on whatever adventure is next in my life. Like writing a book. (I will definitely need an editor, if anyone would like to sign-up for that.) I am excited to learn about another country firsthand, learn about the culture and what makes it unique while seeing and trying to understand the basic human traits that connect us all.

I know it will be difficult at times. I might even cry a few times. Or many times. You never know. The only guarentee that I have is that God will be with me every step of the way. And really, what more can I ask for? He will supply all of my needs.

For instance, I had $11 to my name on Wednesday. Which in itself is amazing, since I was expecting to have owe the bank $140 until Monday. Then have just enough to pay the next bill hoping that the gas in my car would last until the next weekend. While trying to figure how I would pay rent for September. Well good news! It's all good. Some how (I know how) I got enough money to cover everything, plus an extra paycheck I had forgotten, a "just because' check, and the cash from selling my "old" twin mattress set and printer.

(Due to the fact that I am a female, that explanation was 10x longer that most of you would care.)

Shalom

Domestic Diva

2009-08-20T19:10:00.006-05:00

I made zucchini bread and blueberry today. The crust of the zucchini bread is amazing, if I do say so myself. The muffins are, well, muffins. I did not put cinnamon in these. I normally do. I think they need a bit more oil and sugar, however. BTW I am super excited about Autumn. I love spices such as nutmeg and cinnamon.

2009-08-18T12:55:00.003-05:00

I am trying to decide to enter the new Income-Based Repayment for my student loans. If I do, I think I my payments would be $0. I feel weird not paying anything at all. So far it has not been terrible terrible paying each month. Until this month anyway. I didn't have the money until after the due date. I hate that. It was one three days late. I think if do IB repayments I can still pay without worrying about having the money until after the due date. Living paycheck to paycheck is not fun. And I don't even have that many bills. I owe about $400 a month in loans. Currently I make about $1200ish a month. I am not asking for someone to fix this issue. But I am curious to know what you think about dept repayments. I don't really see anything negative about Income-Based Repayment. My only troubling thought is how would it effect me and the Peace Corps.

Speaking of that, I need to do some volunteering with hospice. Wish me luck.

Random Blog

2009-08-17T23:13:00.006-05:00

I recently discovered that I am blog and publish it later. I can store up my thoughts, save them, then share 'em, without overwhelming the world with my mind. It is probably for the best that I do that. I could do this hours. Maybe this way I can actually read my posts to fix the grammatical errors. (I most likely won't.)

To the right is Ava. This is from her birthday. Just wanted to share this photo. I thought it was adorable. It reminds me of when I was a child and we would hide in the clothes at Wal-Mart and K-mart. "he-he"

When God says, "Go". . .

2009-08-17T22:43:00.005-05:00

The best option is the move in the direction one is to go. Just an observation. On the same hand, when God says, "Don't Go", I find it best to stay put. I know, I am profound. Genius even.

But want I really want to talk about it is the nectar of life.

Coffee.

More specifically Arabica coffee beans. Right now I am really into Sumatra. Delicious. Of course freshly ground. Then add a spoonful of brown sugar and some milk...yum. I bought a new bag last night. I buy it at Wal-Mart because I tend to think of it while I am there. Silly, I know, with Starbucks being 1/4 mile closer to my apartment. Either way, they only had French Roast in whole bean. I am also picky on what brand it is. So far the only good brand from Wal-Mart has been the Starbucks brand. (Yes, I know, I should just get it at Starbucks.) I was sad to see Sumatra not in whole bean. I am willing to admit I am a coffee snob. This is something I have come to accept.

In fact, I am fairly "snobby" about many things.

Bed sheets-atleast 400-thread count
Toilet Paper-over the top
Laundry soap-Arm and Hammer, Tide or Cheer
Vegetables-must be fresh (or flash frozen and then steamed) and no butter
Bread-whole wheat, no high fructose corn syrup
Running shoes-Saucony Pro-grid Omni size 11.5 (mens)

It is not that I will refuse to use something if I don't prefer it. But if I have the priviledge to choose what I want, I will. If the option I prefer is not there, the world is not over, I simply have to do or choose something else. If the choice is no coffee or bad coffee, I will choose no coffee. If the choice is no coffee, bad coffee, or good coffee, I will choose good coffee. I recognize it is a priviledge to have 400-thread count sheets, but I would deal if I could only afford 180-thread count sheets. I would have to sleep in pants, socks, and long sleeves, however. Perhaps that is all for tonight.

2009-08-15T10:29:00.003-05:00

I am working. No one has come in this morning. My harvest on farmtown is not ready. So I am blogging again.

It really urks me when stores but out holiday stuff more than 6 weeks before the holiday. Really. Life moves fast enough. I don't need the constant reminder that the year is almost up. I want to enjoy the time I have with my friends and family before being in South America for two years. As much as I am looking forward to serving in the Peace Corps for 27 months, I appreciate each day and the adventures that come with it. Right, Amanda?

2009-08-15T08:23:00.003-05:00

I have so many thoughts that occupy my life until I go to http://www.nevanchay.blogspot.com. As soon as the page loads, the thought dissipate. Then here I am posting about nothing. At time is not terrible, but other times I get myself into trouble. I have to realize that some thoughts should remain just that, thoughts. I tend to be sarcastic. I don't mean to be. I think it is a defense mechanism to keep me from become a bowl of vanilla pudding. I'll blame it on my parents.

See, I am an introverted empathic choleric with a tendencies that mimic a melancholy who is occasionally phlegmatic and often a sanguine who can act like a extrovert to get the task completed. The question that annoys me the most is, "How are you most comfortable?" I don't know. Depends on my mood. For instance, right now, I love the silence of the empty gelato/espresso shop. I love listening to my thoughts. It is strange phenominon to have only said five sentences outloud this morning. I have been awake for over two hours, yet it seems like I have had two hours of conversation. Perhaps I have a mental defect. Some people may actually agree to this. I don't. But some may.

Now for my post. Last night I had the priviledge to spend time with my beloved adopted family, the Marlett's. Ava turned four yesterday, so we celebrated her. It was splendid. A week was far too long to not see them. But, anyway, we went to dinner at Ava's favorite restuarant of the week (or day) Taco Bueno. Delicious. Followed by a quick trip to the library to check out a few books and get Chance's summer reading prize. (He is an excellent reader. He does a good job figuring out polysyllabic words like mackerel.) Chance, 7, and Ava, 4, are really into ocean animals right now. They ended up getting a book on dolphins, whale sharks, ocean predators, and bats. Chance read his books to me as we ventured to the next stop on the Ava's Day Princess Tour of Moore, OK. The next stop was the castle park. I had always wanted to go there. I attempted once with the kids I watch, but it was too hot. Either way, we played until we were sweating, aside from Crystal. She did what every good mom does and took 10,000 pictures. I stopped after the trecherous climb up the tube slide. I was done. Then I chatted with Crystal while the Chance play "You Hide, and I will find You" with Ava and Brian. It was too funny. Ava doesn't actually hide. Once we were all super sweaty, we heady over to Rusty's Frozen Custard, where Princess Ava got a Diet Coke. However, I got two scoops of custard, one vanilla, one strawberry with gummy bears on top. Delicious. After finishing our custard, our adventure ended at Wal-Mart for Ava to spend her birthday money. A Barbie, a "My Little Pony" (I thought it was humorous), and a Littlest Pet Shop hippie turtle, Ava was set. Then Brian and Cystal decided to get Chance a bike so Ava and I played in the clothes section. It was wonderful.

On my way home, I stopped by Wal-Mart again to purchase a comforter set for my new adult-sized bed. I thought I was going to get the black and white one with flowers. But I left with one $20 cheaper with red, browns and gold colors in it. It looks great with my new 400 thread count super soft, fabulous dark red sheets.

2009-08-13T15:02:00.002-05:00

So....I am learning how to let go. Of people, of objects, of feelings. It is weird. I have this silly little pony my best friend from elementary school gave to me before she moved to California. Every time I see that little "my little pony", I think about all the great times we had walking around the playground talking about life. One time we decided to spend all of our recesses cleaning up trash from around the field and playground. We found a mattress spring and dug it out of the ditch.

My favorite memory that cause me to giggle is this one from the end of forth grade. Chandra, my bf, and I were walking around the hotel that my mom was staying. We wondered in to the lot were the school buses (i think) were kept. Our conversation had a serious tone. I do not remember exactly what we were talking about, something like medicine, asthma, and doctors. I remember saying something to effect of "why can't they see/understand?" I believe we were trying to figure out why the adults couldn't see something that was so obvious to a 10-year-old. Oh the drama. Chandra and I were also so serious. I wonder what she is doing now. I have not seen her since that day in 1996.

I argue with myself often as to whether or not I should get rid of this "my little pony". She gave me that pony. I have had it for 13 years already. I never even really played with "my little pony" dolls unless I was at her house. I also played with Barbies at her house. I didn't like that stuff other times. It would be way difficult for me to just throw that in the waste basket. Partly because of the memories attached, and partly because it is a perfectly good "my little pony" doll that some 4-8 year old girl could play with.

Every time I write a sentence that ends with a preposition, I think of Mrs. Starkey, my high school English 2 teacher. And each time I feel like I disappointed her again.

The Pinnacle of Life

2009-08-08T07:50:00.003-05:00

So . . . Grand Dad is right. Twenty-four is not the pinnacle of life. If this is the top then what do I have to look forward to. I am not even married. According to that guy who does the "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage", married people are happier, healthier, and wealthier. I guess that means there is something. Oh and then there is always the Peace Corps, getting a Master of Art or Philosophy in Intercultural Studies or Intercultural Relations or Counseling or Theology or Leadership, living in Colorado when I grow up, living in Spain for a year, traveling to at least 75% of the countries in the world, speaking at a venue with over 10,000 people, my lucrative musical career, my life as a vagabond, living in the woods for a few months, getting married in 2012 (or some other future date), being on television, writing a book, writing a fiction book, paying off all my student loans within 12 years of graduating college, getting another tattoo, getting my nose pierced again, smoking cigars at 85 years old, having a scotch on the rocks, knowing how to properly order a drink with gin, inventing something, and being a comfortable size 14 or a tight 12.

The pinnacle of life is death for me.

When I die, I know that I will have the rest of forever to praise God (the Father, Son and Holy Spirit).
When I die, it will have been after I accomplish every goal I have set out to complete.

I wonder what people will remember about me after I die. I hope people don't remember all not-so-funny jokes I attempt. Some times my humor is drier than a glass of Bordeaux. To me it is absolutely hilarious. Anyway.

Twenty-five can't be the end of life. I may have accomplished many things, but no where near all that I want to do, or that I feel called to do. I mean I just received my diploma from MACU this week, silly communication mishap.

At the very lease the pinnacle of life cannot come before marriage, that would be awful. Since I will be 24-26 while I am away, I won't be getting before 26. (Here's hoping it's before 30. But I won't settle. Promise.) Therefore being 25 is not practically dead and 24 is the pinnacle of life.

Random Picture File

2009-08-06T12:21:00.002-05:00

This random photo was taken by my mom at my 23rd birthday party. That is Kris, Jola, Cheryl, and Ron, in order from front to back. We had a great time playing Bocce Ball in the blistering wind.

Over the last year (ish), I have thought about what I want to do for my 24th birthday. I will be in South America for my Golden Birthday (25th-at that point life is practically over). I feel that 24 is my last birthday of a free young life. Since 25 rounds to 30, and 30 is almost 40, and at that point life is almost over, 24 is the pinnacle of life. I want to throw myself a surprise birthday party. I love surprises. It is hard to surprise me. My mom did a good job surprising as a child. It has been almost 5 full years since a realy good surprise, I think......... I might remember one later.

How would I surprise myself? Hmmmm, I would. . .well, I can't give it away. Some thing small or some thing big . . .

2009-08-05T16:47:00.004-05:00

So . . . this is my friend, Jeff. I just felt like sharing. He is in China serving with the Peace Corps. In about one month, he will be moving from Chengdu (sp?) to Panzhihua City to work at the Panzhihua University teaching English.

We met at MACU through Professor Sanders and Professor Seaton. During our cross country team practice, it was discovered that he and I share an interest in working with people overseas.

We spent many hours talking about how nerve wrecking it is to serve in the Peace Corps. I look forward to comparing notes about service the Peace Corps. As I will be working with patients dying of AIDS in South America.

He is the first MACU student to join the Peace Corps. (He graduated OPSU.)

I am the first MACU Alumni to join the Peace Corps.

Perhaps my next post will be contain my thoughts on doing the dishes. I am unsure at this point.

This photo is from the Six Flags trip that we took with our Jr. High Students. Some of our group had trouble figuring out which way to look.

The guy in the red cape is Lee Brown, my co-pastor. The little ones are 20% of our Jr. High students. In total our group left with 9 superhero capes. Though not everyone of us is nerdy, a good portion enjoy things such as hero clix, comic books, and superheroes.

Of course, my favorite is Wonder Woman, followed closely by Superman and Supergirl, hence the cape I am wearing.

From I moment I laid my eyes on that cape I knew I had to own it.